Dear Reese's Variety Pack,
Why do you haunt me? Why do you cry out to me from the darkness of the Aldo shoebox I am keeping you hostage in? You know I don't have running water and can't brush my teeth after eating you. Do you want me to have some gnarly teeth to go with my Halloween costume? I was just trying to have a relaxed day before you invaded my mind with your sweet morsels of Reese's pieces, peanut butter cups, and fast breaks... Would it be possible for you to use your powers of persuasion to help my counterpart come to planning sessions or perhaps to get my twelfth-A class to do their homework? I would be ever so grateful. This is my birthday wish. So go out into the world and spread your brown, orange, and yellow diversity!
With deepest regards to your chocolatey wisdom,
Jefferson
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